im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
