i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
