I want to walk on stilts...naked
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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