im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
