cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
