dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
