well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
