The best revenge is premature balding
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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