Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
