Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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