I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
