I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Nicole vs. Life
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize