Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
