She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
did i just pee glitter
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