I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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