Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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