Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
