Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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