I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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