Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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