u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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