I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
