Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
