No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Randomize
