also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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