so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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