so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
