i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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