Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I cut my penus on the lid.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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