She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I want her autograph on my taint
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
