Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize