What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
