i was born a porn star she said
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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