After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
