Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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