remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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