The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
