So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
