Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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