hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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