this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
