Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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