Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
