This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
