So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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