wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
