I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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