Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
