you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
