The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She bit a glass in half.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
