He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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