Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
