im about as happy as oj after his trial
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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