Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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