Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
