let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
