i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize