Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
