then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
honey bunches of taint.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
