I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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