What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
