I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
