idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
