When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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