Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
