could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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