Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
