You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize