On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
