I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize