Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
