I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize