Your tits are I can't wait for
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
